Mixed couples : a survival guide might be necessary ?


In 2014, a study revealed that in Europe 1 million babies were born to Erasmus couples since 1987. Meaning that those kids will live in a different culture than at least one of their parents. So the following article will concern them even more in a couple of years.

No, I’m not losing the thread. But I like to get inspired by people around me. And I see a lot of mixed couples around me.

So this week I’ll talk about these mixed couples (i.e. couples formed of people coming from different cultures). A mixed couple can concern people coming from different countries (across the same continent or different ones) or people coming from different cultures within the same country (for example Eastern European or African with French etc.)

Couples are already complicated, but adding (different) cultures into the relationship complicates them even more. One of my first bosses, a French man married with a Singaporean woman, was even calling for a “survival guide” for mixed couples.

Because it’s not easy. Why ? 

Actually, the correct question is “when ?” as there are several stages in a relationship :
  •       The Romantic period is actually quite charming, and even more when the other one comes from another culture. That’s because it’s all about discovery, and everything which seems a bit odd about the other person can be easily put on the culture of origin, even if in reality it might be a personal trait. For example, one of the stereotypes about French(men) is that they talk a lot. After 10 years in the country, I can say for sure it’s not at all common to everybody. So when you meet someone who talks a lot, even though it corresponds stereotypically to the image one might have about French men, it is definitely a personal trait.
  • ·        The transition period. What I call the transition period is the period when one starts to actually see beyond culture, and identify the other’s traits, i.e. things that can’t be attributed to culture. For example, when a whole country likes to spend hours in a restaurant/terrace/café etc. and your partner doesn’t, well, you’re pretty much set.
  • ·        The routine period. That’s where one can find stable couples. They are together for a while, everything could go better, but the advantages of being together surpass the correlate disadvantages. Culture is not an issue anymore until…

The crisis.

A crisis is represented by a marriage, a real estate investment, a kid, educating that same kid, etc. Basically, anything which involves different expectations on how others should behave, and especially one’s children.

So, if you’re in a mixed couple, a survival guide might indeed be necessary J

And how about you ? If you’re in a mixed couple, what cultural behaviors have you identified that you know might be an opportunity or a challenge during a crisis ?

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