What’s in a name? - On the troubles of getting your name called correctly in another country


If you're living in another country than the one you were born into, then you might face a dilemma: should people call you by your given name or by the name you have chosen (or not!) to use?
Of course, your parents meant well when they gave you their parents' name, but they could have never predicted you were also supposed to travel one day. That is understandable, because when you were born only some people could travel, and in very rare cases it was your parents (unless it was inside the country or in URSS, now Russia).

But - oh surprise ! - like only history can have, you have travelled abroad for your studies. And if you're reading this blog, you are travelling now for your work or just because you can, and in some cases you even live in another country than the one you were born in.

So supposing your personality stays in a name, you may have changed multiple personas by now.

Let's take my first name as an example. One can't find more common name in Romania, practically two little girls in 10 were named that way in the 80's Romania, which means - and this was a big concern during school years - that I always had at least another person with the same name in my class, from kindergarten to college. Also, if translated in other languages, it's one of the most common first names in this part of the world, as it can be translated by "Michaela" or "Michael" in its masculine variant.

However, it sufficed to travel a bit to realize things were not going to be that simple anymore, and that it would take me a whole journey to realize that I'm more than One.

So I would count several steps in this transformation, which I can generalize as following:
  1. “The Introduction phase” : During your first year abroad, you desperately hang to your initial persona. For example, during my first year abroad, I was still "Mihaela" or should I say "Miaela" as the h is not pronounced in French..
  2. “The Approach” phase: At a certain point, you meet a future partner who, surprisingly enough, and despite the fact that they have different origins, perfectly called you by your first name on the first shot (did they practiced it before?)
  3. “The transformation” phase: At this stage, your personal will evolve, and your name with it, which allows you to escape bad naming experiences (for me, it was the the "Maihaela"s, "Vlad"s, etc.) and still – one might think- keep one’ identity
  4. The “Stabilization” phase: During this phase, one keeps their “transformation” phase name for a long while, which allows you to go deeper in your new country’ psyche, while still assuming your old persona.  In my case, I stayed "Mia" for a long while, which allowed me to get acquainted with a famous French hit of the '90s (guess which one) and elude the inevitable question on my origins. However, I was still "Mihaela" to every Romanian person I met..
  5. The “Back in time phase”: For certain people, it might start when one acquires citizenship in one’s new country. For me, it was when I was asked whether I wanted to "frenchise" my name that I realized I was more attached to it than I had thought. So I became "Miha", which allowed me to keep my Romanian diminutive without feeling I lost too much of my basic identity
  6. “The Return Home” phase: In this last step, one discovers and assumes all one’ identity. It’s not so much about going back to a physical place or not, but about discovering and assuming the different aspects of one’ individuality. In my case, I became again "Mihaela" for work, "Miha" for friends and family, "maman" for my kids, and so on..

- TO BE CONTINUED -

How about you ? Have you gone through something similar, be that in your home country or abroad? Do the steps above sound familiar… or have you knows other ? What were your struggles and your choices ?

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