How to keep traditions when leaving abroad


One of the main topics of my regular exchanges with my parents are traditions, be those family, local or national. Their main concern is whether I keep any of those, and if I don't, to encourage me, or even (emotionally) blackmail me to do so.

 So, there is that awkward moment when they ask the question, and even if I know they would ask it, I'm still not prepared to it, and take a minute too long to answer..."no". Of course, I could elude the question, make a joke, laugh, ask another question instead etc. But I (reluctantly) choose to be honest about it.


However, the "no" is more difficult to assume since I live abroad.

Because this "no (while living abroad)" means - for their recipient(s) - you're denying your roots, you're not "assuming" your first identity, you're breaking the community' continuity and so on. While a "no (while being in your country)" only means that you're an individual with a different opinion than your closest community.

Therefore, how in the world to keep your traditions when abroad?  Before going there, start by asking yourself some basic questions:
  1. Do I need traditions /customs? Why? What's their role in my life? Has their role changed while I changed?
  2. If yes, which traditions I need most / are essential to my well-being (and that I can continue to practice in my current country?)
  3. How do I want to keep them? (In their "pure" form, altered, so as they fit my new culture, etc.)

Bottom line, don't keep them because your family tells you so, but because you want it, because it makes you whole. In certain cases, you could completely transform the tradition.
Because in a new country, you can reinvent yourself. You can also take advantage of it to reinvent your traditions.

Imagine you're still in your country and trying to reinvent a tradition everybody is respecting: say, for example, that the Christmas or else family lunch always happen on Dec 25th at noon. If you want to invite family, you know there's no point inviting them for dinner the day before.

But - oh surprise! - you can do that in another country. Or even celebrate Eid al-Fitr or Hanukkah, or else depending on your rite sensibility or country you're in.

On the other side, if you want to keep your traditions "pure" (I.e. practice them as you knew them in childhood and you feel you're not whole without that - even though your childhood traditions have undoubtedly evolved as well ) - my advice is to do it where it's easier to do so without frustrations - your country of birth. 

However, that does not mean that you’ve finished questioning yourself on the role of traditions and community in your life 😊



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